Back to school, you dunce!
by WarioWorshipper777
Summary: Cortex decides to open a school in order to educate his incompetent creations.(finished)
1. Men at work

Note : All of the characters in this story are the property of Naughty Dog, Vicarious Visions, Vivendi Universal and any other company that holds the Crash Bandicoot license.

One sunny morning, Dr. Neo Cortex, the world's most hated person, was busy taking a stroll inside his castle. He eventually entered the private lab of N. Gin, his faithful right-hand man.

"N. Gin, have you come up with any plans to take over the world lately?" asked Cortex.

"Not one." replied N. Gin. "How about you?"

"Zip, zilch, zero." said Cortex. "I don't have anything in mind."

"Like Tiny! Hee, hee, hee..." joked N. Gin.

"Do not insult me!" shouted Cortex.

"I was just joking, Dr. Cortex!" replied N. Gin.

"Never mind that!" said Cortex. "Let's see what those mongrel mammals are up to..."

Cortex went to the balcony of his castle and pulled a pair of "Cortex-Vision" binoculars out of his pocket. He used the "zoom-in" feature to see what was going on on N. Sanity Island, the first of three islands near Australia.

"Let's see here...Aha! There they are!" said Cortex.

Cortex was seeing a bunch of bandicoots doing random things; Coco was typing on her computer, Crunch was busy doing push-ups on one finger, Isabella was doing some stretching exercises, Amy was hitting a punching bag that looked like Dingodile, Liz was filing her nails with a nail filer, Megumi was watering her bonsai tree and Crash was sleeping(go figure).

"What a bunch of crude, foolish and undisciplined freaks they are..." mused Cortex.

"Actually, they're YOUR freaks..." corrected N. Gin.

"That's it!" exclaimed Cortex. "N. Gin, you're brilliant!"

Cortex immediately ran downstairs, leaving N. Gin alone on the balcony.

"Wait, you didn't tell me what was so brilliant!" said N. Gin.

After a few minutes, Cortex was in his lab, with N. Gin following him.

"What did you have in mind, your magnificence?" asked N. Gin.

"School!" replied Cortex.

"I beg your pardon?" asked a bewildered N. Gin.

"Since that foolish bandicoot and his friends are incompetent, I thought that I might as well give them a good education!" replied Cortex.

"I don't follow you." said N. Gin.

"Since they're MY creations, it's my responsability to give them a good education, therefore making them intelligent AND well-mannered! Not to mention the fact that I would be the first scientist in history to own a school for anthropomorphics!" explained Cortex.

"So?" asked N. Gin.

"If our school becomes well-known across the world, think of all the fame and money we could receive..." said Cortex as he put his hand on N. Gin's shoulder.

"Fame? Money? It's a magnificent idea, Dr. Cortex!" said N. Gin. in joy. "But you might want to give education to some of our minions..."

Tiny walked in the room.

"Hello, Cortex!" said Tiny. "Look what Tiny learned today!"

Tiny let out a huge burp that shook the whole castle and he went out of the room.

"I see your point. They are not exactly the brightest bulbs in the box." said Cortex. "It is decided. I shall open a school for anthropomorphics!"

"Aren't we supposed to build it first?" asked N. Gin.

"Oh, right. I forgot." replied Cortex. "To the meeting room!"

Some time later, Cortex and N. Gin, along with Tiny, Dingodile and Koala Kong, ended up on N. Sanity Island.

"Remember what we talked about in the meeting; in order for us to get fame and fortune, we first need to build a strong and sturdy school." explained Cortex. "Understood?"

The animal minions nodded in agreement.

"Good. Time to get to work!" said Cortex.

A few seconds later, Cortex and company were dressed like construction workers, with hard hats, tools and the like. They soon got to work. Unfortunately, things didn't go quite like they planned.

Tiny was supposed to use a hammer to hammer nails on planks, but he kept hammering his own thumb instead of a nail.

"Ow! (hits thumb) Ow! (hits thumb) Ow! (hits thumb) Ow!" screamed Tiny in pain.

Dingodile was trying to make a jackhammer work, since the only machine he's ever operated was a flamethrower.

"How do you work this thing?" said Dingodile in confusion.

Dingodile flicked a switch on the jackhammer and it went shaking around like crazy.

"M-m-m-make i-i-i-i-t st-o-o-o-o-o-o-op!" said a shaking Dingodile.

The jackhammer suddenly started digging a hole in the ground until Dingodile ended up in Mexico.

"Que Pasa?" asked a nearby Mexican man.

Back in the construction area, Koala Kong was trying to make a beam stand up, but it kept falling down.

"Stay put, you stupid beam!" protested Koala Kong.

Koala Kong took the beam and planted it firmly in the ground.

"There. Much better." he said.

"This is not going well." said Cortex.

"You're telling me! That beam wasn't supposed to go there!" said N. Gin while reading the blueprint he was holding.

"This taking too long! Tiny blow up trees to make more room for school!" shouted Tiny.

Tiny took a nearby detonator and a LOT of TNT crates and he set the crates right in the middle of the construction site. After that, Tiny pulled the lever and pushed it down.

"Tiny, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" screamed Cortex and N. Gin.

BOOM!

Cortex and his henchmen were lying on the ground, charred and toasted.

"Sorry." said Tiny.

"Ugh, this might take a while." groaned Cortex.


	2. School is in session!

The next morning, Cortex and his crew were done with the construction of the school.

"We're done!" said Tiny as he raised his thumb, which was bandaged.

"I believe that it is time to spread the word, boys!" exclaimed Cortex.

Meanwhile, on the front yard of Crash's house, Crash and his friends were doing the same things they did yesterday for no apparent reason.

"This is boring." said Liz. "Isn't there ANYTHING interesting to do on this island?"

"Yeah! I want to bash some skulls!" complained Crunch.

Cortex and N. Gin suddenly jumped out of a nearby bush.

"Great, here comes Lame-o Dork-tex." said Liz in a bored tone.

"Greetings everyone! I have an announcement to make!" exclaimed Cortex.

"You've finally decided to go throw yourself down a cliff?" joked Coco. Everyone except Cortex and N. Gin laughed at the joke.

"Better than that! I have opened a school!" said Cortex. "Follow me!"

Cortex and N. Gin wandered into the jungle. Crash looked at Coco, who simply shrugged. As soon as Crash and Coco started following Cortex, everyone decided to do the same since they had nothing better to do.

They soon arrive to a structure covered with a red curtain.

"Ladies and gentlebeasts, let me present to you the greatest learning establishment ever established for learning..."

Cortex pulled down a rope to unveil a big structure that looked like a college.

"Dr. Neo Cortex's Academy for Animals!" Cortex announced. "Right this way, please."

They entered the academy. A few minutes later, they entered a classroom that looked like it came out of a college, with many stairs and rows of seats. The teacher's desk(as well as the chalkboard) were at the bottom of the room.

"Before we begin, I want to introduce you to your classmates..."

Tiny, Koala Kong, Dingodile, Ripper Roo, The Komodo Bros., Pinstripe and Rilla Roo came walking in the room.

"Huh? What the heck are THEY doing here?" asked Coco.

"They're here to learn alongside you, so be nice to them or else!" warned Cortex. "We'll separate the students into two groups; Group A and group B. Coco, Pinstripe, Tiny, Dingodile, Crunch, Liz and Megumi will be in group A while all the other students will be in group B. By the way, here are your uniforms."

N. Gin was holding a pile of sailor outfits for both boys and girls.

"You don't expect us to wear THOSE?" asked Amy in disgust.

"We got the wrong order and we ended up with these uniforms from another place." said N. Gin.

"Which would be...?" said Amy.

"Japan." replied N. Gin.

"Those outfits are kinda cute." said Liz.

"Huh?" said everyone except Liz.

"Fine then, forget the stupid outfits! Just wear your own clothes or somebody else's clothes if you wish!" said Cortex. "Now then, do you have any questions before we begin?"

Coco raised her hand.

"Yes, Coco?" said Cortex.

"I was just wondering, are you the principal of the academy?" asked Coco.

"No, I'm just a teacher." replied Cortex.

"Who's the principal, then?" asked Coco.

Uka Uka came in wearing a tie around the place where his neck would be.

"That would be me!" he said.

"Why did I even bother asking?" said Coco to herself.

"Any more questions?" asked Cortex. "No questions? In that case, we'll begin!"

A few minutes later, math class was starting for group A as they sat on their respective seats.

"Good day to you, students. In case you don't know, which has a small chance of happening, my name is Dr. Neo Cortex and I will be your math teacher for the day." said Cortex.

Coco looked around her to notice that all of the other seats were empty. She raised her hand.

"What is it, Coco?" asked Cortex.

"Dr. Cortex-" started Coco before getting interrupted.

"That's MR. Cortex to you!" corrected Cortex.

"Right. Mr. Cortex, I can't help but notice that all of the other seats are empty." said Coco.

"I'll fix that." replied Cortex. "Seat fillers!"

A group of lab assistant androids suddenly came barging in the room and sat on the empty seats.

"Good. NOW the lesson can officially begin!" said Cortex. "Let's start with a few simple equations."

Cortex took a piece of chalk and wrote "2+2?" on the chalkboard.

"What does 2+2 equal?" asked Cortex.

Tiny frantically raised his hand.

"Yes, Tiny?" said Cortex.

"48!" answered Tiny.

"No, that's not the right answer." said Cortex.

Wait, Tiny knows this one!" exclaimed Tiny. "Uhhh...25! 87! 30! Pie! Tiny! Cortex! Dinosaurs! Mayonnaise! Peanuts!"

"No, no, NO! None of these answers are right!" shouted Cortex.

"Wait, Tiny's got it now!" said Tiny. "56! Crash! Mountain! Bananas! Monkeys!"

"(sigh) Why me?" said Cortex to himself.

Meanwhile, group B was having gym class with none other than Papu Papu as their teacher. All the students of group B were wearing clothes fit for gym class(i.e. t-shirts, short pants, etc.).

"Welcome to gym class." said Papu Papu. "Today, we do warm-up exercises. We start with jumping jacks. Everybody ready? Go!"

Everyone started to do jumping jacks.

THREE HOURS LATER...

Everyone was still doing jumping jacks and they were getting tired.

"I can't feel my legs!" complained Komodo Moe.

"Aren't we supposed to do anything else than jumping jacks?" asked Amy.

"Sorry. The only exercise Papu Papu knows is jumping jacks." replied Papu Papu.

Everyone stopped doing jumping jacks to catch their breath.

"Well, that was a good work-out for my body!" exclaimed Isabella while massaging her legs.

"Sssssspeak for yourssssself! My legs feel like apple ssssssssauce!" complained Komodo Joe.

Crash fell flat on the ground from all the exhaustion.

Back in math class...

"It's time for a pop quiz! Anyone who manages to ace this test will have a better chance of graduating. So don't FAIL!" said Cortex.

Cortex passed some sheets of paper to everyone.

"_This will be easy._" thought Coco.

"_I hope I won't be late for my appointments._" thought Liz.

"_Burp!_" thought Tiny.

After a while, Pinstripe got bored and threw a paper airplane at Cortex's direction. Dingodile noticed the paper airplane and toasted it with his flamethrower.

"Not on my watch, mate!" said Dingodile.

"What is going on?" asked Cortex.

"He wanted to throw a paper airplane at ya." replied Dingodile while pointing at Pinstripe.

"Tattletale!" retorted Pinstripe.

"Pinstripe! Go to the corner this instant!" shouted Cortex.

"Aw man!" complained Pinstripe as he went to the corner.

"I'll take that!" said Cortex as he took Dingodile's flamethrower. "You should know that a flamethrower is NOT a toy. Weapons like this could harm the other students, like a ray gun, for instance."

Tiny raised his hand.

"(sigh) Yes, Tiny?" said Cortex.

"What's a ray gun?" asked Tiny.

Cortex promptly shot him with his ray gun.

In history class, N. Gin was telling the students of group B how the universe was "created".

"In the beginning, Cortex and I created the universe and all of the planets in the solar system, therefore making us the rulers of the universe!" explained N. Gin as he pointed to a chalk drawing of himself, Cortex and the solar system. "Any questions?"

A crumbling sound was suddenly heard. N. Gin turned around and saw Cortex coming out of a hole in the wall while pushing Tiny.

"What are you doing, master? Are you mad?" asked a panicky N. Gin.

"Can you take care of Tiny? He's slowing down all the other students, which keeps them from learining anything." replied Cortex with a goofy smile.


	3. High school Hijinks

After a few minutes, history class continued…

"This man had discovered a promised land which turned out to be America." said N. Gin. "Which famous explorator had found America?"

Tiny raised his hand.

"Yes, Tiny?" asked N. Gin.

"Tiny!" said Tiny.

"No, that's not the right answer." replied N. Gin.

"Cortex?"

"No."

"N. Gin?"

"No."

"Dingodile?"

"No!"

"Pinstripe?"

"No!"

"Ripper Roo?"

"Noooooooooo!"

N. Gin started to get angry.

"Run for your lives!" said Koala Kong.

Everyone jumped through the window except for Tiny.

"Tiny get bonus points?"

BOOOOM!

Tiny was toasted.

"(cough) Guess not."

It was soon time for group B's health class, which was led by N. Tropy.

"Welcome to health class. First of all, you shall learn how to put a cast in the right place."

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

"Let's see how well each of you did." said N. Tropy.

He went near Crash, who had put a cast on Isabella's foot.

"Very good." said N. Tropy.

Crash delivered a thumbs-up in response.

N. Tropy went to Koala Kong, who put a cast on Ripper Roo's foot.

"Well done." said N. Tropy.

"Thank you, sir." replied Koala Kong.

N. Tropy went to Tiny, who did a slight error...

"Tiny did good?" asked Tiny.

"No, that is not the right place to put a cast." replied N. Tropy.

It seems that Tiny had put the cast on Komodo Joe's head.

"I can't breathe!" protested Komodo Joe.

A few minutes after that, the students were ready for another exercise.

"Now you shall learn how to use CPR in order to save a person's life." explained N. Tropy. "Tiny, pretend to be choking on something you ate."

Tiny seemed to be choking.

"A remarkable job, Tiny." said N. Tropy.

"No, Tiny choking because Tiny ate pencil!" replied Tiny.

Some more minutes later...(I know that you're getting annoyed by this, but it'll be over soon.)

Everyone was getting ready to do CPR.

"I'm going to enjoy this." said Dingodile.

"Don't even think about it or you'll need more than a cast when I'm done with you!" said Amy, who was lying on the floor.

"Okay, I won't do it." said a frightened Dingodile.

"Okay, Crash. I'll be the person you need to revive." explained Isabella. "Be careful with me, all right?"

Crash nodded in response.

Rilla Roo, on the other hand, was in a moment of awkwardness since the person he had to "revive" was Tiny!

"Tiny not feel good about this." said Tiny.

Rilla Roo shrugged and started to lean his head toward Tiny until he immediately got up, making Rilla Roo hit his head on the floor.

"(rapid tone) Thank you! Tiny feel much better now!" said Tiny.

"No, no, no, Tiny. You need to let the person save your life if you want to use the exercise to save another..." started N. Tropy.

N. Tropy immediately stopped talking when he heard sounds of pleasure.

"Huh? What is that noise?" he said.

He turned around to see that Crash was busy kissing Isabella.

"She's a tough one, eh?" commented Dingodile.

Crash simply showed a goofy smile.

Some time after that, group B had entered science class, which had N. Brio for a teacher.

"It's time for science class! Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, you need to do a delicate experiment today..." said N. Brio.

Everyone was wearing lab coats and protective glasses since they were about to manipulate beakers filled with colored potions.

While everyone was busy manipulating the potions, Crash saw a beaker filled with blue liquid and was about to drink the contents until N. Brio stopped him by taking away the potion.

"What are you doing, you fool!" said N. Brio. "You are NOT supposed to drink this potion! It is Boomythium! This potion will explode if it is mixed with one of 1496 other substances!"

Tiny was about to mix the contents of a blue potion and a pink one.

"Tiny mix pretty colors!" he said.

"Tiny, noooooo!" screamed N. Brio.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The only thing that was left standing was the front door of the school.

"Cortex, you're fired!" shouted Uka Uka.

"But I didn't even do anything!" protested Cortex.

"I know! I just always wanted to say that." replied Uka Uka.

Cortex turned to all the other students who were still in the vincinity.

"All of you, even Tiny, are now graduated!" shouted Cortex. "Now, go away!"

"Yeah!" shouted all of the students except for Crash, who simply danced with joy. They all ran away after that.

"I need to take a nap." said Cortex.

Cortex fell flat on the ground.

The End.

**What did you think of my story? Please read & review. Stay tuned for my upcoming series of Crash fanfics called "Crazy Crash Bandicoot!"**


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